Wading through the Pumpkin Patch of Crap

In my quest to find Ari a suitably hip wedding outfit, I did a lap of Northland shopping centre today (okay, I admit, the shopping trip did clash with another quest - the one to find the perfect pair of spring shorts for myself. Result = no go, thanks to Sportsgirl's ridiculous sizing that never, ever fits me properly).
I managed to pick up a cute little red skivvy that would look rather dapper with the excellent brown-and-orange stripey cords I've already picked out for Ari.
But, I told myself, there must be a plain long-sleeved shirt (to wear with a cute little tie) out there in retail land for my boy... somewhere.
After striking out at Myer, Target, KMart and Best and Less, I limped into Pumpkin Patch.
Wading through piles of t-shirts and shirts, I could not find one single item that wasn't emblazoned with some kind of awful tacky print - what little boy in his right mind would want to step out with bloody teddies on his t-shirt?
Mind you, this is the store that sells long-sleeved, button up shirts and jeans for newborn babies. Newborn babies! If you can find me a mother of a newborn who has time to be buttoning up tiny weeny little shirts, I'll eat my hat.
After doing a lap of this fool's paradise, I considered storming up to the checkout and shouting at the sales girl "PLAIN, I JUST WANT SOMETHING PLAIN!".
Instead I slithered out the door, a defeated woman. I've been told the next step in my quest should be a trip down Victoria St to an Asian formal hire or christening shop.
But to be honest, I just can't be bothered. Looks like our boy is going to be a little Jarvis Cocker (lead singer of Pulp, pictured), or dare I say, Wiggle, at this wedding.
At least he won't have a bloody teddy bear on his skivvy.