A Weaning We Will Go

Today is a momentous one in Ari's young life - I am giving up breastfeeding.
Yes, just like that.
I know all the books tell you to drop it gradually, and I did start down that road with all the best intentions. He was happily taking one bottle feed a day and I was planning to make it 2 bottle feeds a day this week. But Ari hasn't been breastfeeding properly and when he does he BITES. At first I tried to put up with the biting and just get on with it, but it got so bad that I was too frightened to actually feed him.
I'm not sure whether having a mix of breast and bottle confused him, or if he decided he liked the bottle better, or if he was just having an off week.
Yesterday I tried about seven times to breastfeed him, from 7am through til about 2pm, when he finally took one breast. At dinner time last night, it was a struggle to get him to stay on for five minutes. We topped him up with a bottle and he slept through the night (hoorah!).
Breastfeeding has just become such a negative experience for me, which is a shame, because when it worked, it worked really well. I almost always had plenty of milk and Ari took to it really well.
So this is a decision I haven't come to lightly. But I hope that it's one that will improve all of our lives.

You know you've had a baby for awhile when...

1. Movies you haven't seen have been in the cinemas, released on DVD and been on pay TV.
2. You can have a shower and get dressed in under 5 minutes.
3. You have been weed, pooed and spewed on.
4. The idea of a sleep in seems like heaven. The idea of a big night out followed by a sleep in is an impossible dream.
5. You look at other babies - and not just the babies, but what they're wearing and what kind of pram they're riding in.
6. You no longer read the travel or entertainment sections of newspapers because it makes you too sad. Watching At The Movies is even worse.
7. The day you had your baby seems like years ago. And you can barely remember those first few weeks.
8. Everyone always asks "when are you going back to work?"
9. That massive 3-wheeled pram you bought is getting to be a pain and you're longingly eyeing off compact little strollers.
10. You realise you haven't worn a suit, dress or heels in, well, forever.

Chatty boy

Today Ari showed his first signs of trying to talk. He did lots of "ya ya ya ya ya" and "da da da da" ranting, showing off his cute little teeth, which have finally popped up so you can see them.
Rob and I were gushy with pride - it's incredibly cute.
He has a couple of other new tricks. When he stands up (held by us of course) he looks around the room for everyone's approval and smiles his biggest gummy smile.
And he can play on his tummy for longer periods now, instead of just lying there like a flapping fish.

Moofies

There are two movies any prospective parent should study: Look Who's Talking and Parenthood.
Yes, yes, I know I'm probably the only person in the world who counts the movie with the talking babies as hilariously funny and wheels out quotes like "a selfish phase".
But I can't tell you how many times that movie rang true for me during my pregnancy and in the early stages of babydom. In particular, Kirstie Alley's shock to find her enormous milk-filled breasts made her look like a chick from a Russ Meyer movie. I definitely looked like Pamela Anderson when my milk "came in".
Parenthood is one of my favourite movies ever. There are so many funny moments - Steve Martin's Cowboy Gil ("As in guil-ty"), Rick Moranis' obsessive attempts to turn his daughter into a child genius, Tom Hulce announcing his son's name...Cool.
But there are some golden moments of wisdom littered throughout the comedy.
The one most people know is Keanu Reeves saying that you need a license to catch a fish, but "they'll let any butt-weaming asshole be a father". It's so true.
But there's two I love in particular.
Family patriach Jason Robards has to decide whether to pay off bookies or let them kill his deadbeat son. Of course, there's no decision to be made. "He's still my son...do you think I want him to get hurt?", he says. It doesn't matter if your kid is 6 months or 26 years old, the worrying and caring never, ever ends. It might sound obvious, but the realisation that you are responsible for someone for life is enormous.
The other bit I love is when the granny announces that she used to love riding the rollercoaster as a young woman. "Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. But that just goes around, nothing. I like the rollercoaster".
Later at a chaotic school concert, Steve Martin gets what she means and realises that having kids is a rollercoaster - it makes you sick, frightened, but so very thrilled.
I'm not saying that going through life without kids means life isn't fun. Mmmmm....sleeping in on weekends, or up at 6am for feeds? I know which one is more fun!
But having children is experiencing everything life throws at you in the fullest sense. There is heartbreak and sorrow, guilt and anger, frustration and sadness. But there's also joy, laughter and that heart-aching love that only a parent can feel.

Bottles- Day 3

Day 3 of the Great Attempt To Wean and it's working. I can't quite believe it.
I've been substituting Ari's lunchtime feed with a bottle. Fairly soon he will drop his 3pm feed, so that will mean I have 2 choices: Either breastfeed him morning and night and give him bottles during the day, or wean him totally off the breast.
At the moment, it's quite a hard decision. While I would relish the idea of being totally free of breastfeeding, it's quite a handy thing - if he's ever really crazy or niggly, or wakes up in the night, I know I can always breastfeed him and it calms him down, or sends him back to sleep.
First things first, though. Let's get this bottle thing down pat before we start thinking about all that!

He took a bottle!

After weeks of frustration, Ari finally drank a whole bottle of formula today.
I'm trying not to get too excited by this prospect, but it's hard when it will potentially change my life so much.
Unlike so many other mums, I haven't been able to just leave Ari with someone and a bottle and go out - I have to time any outing so that I'll be back for the next feed ... or take him with me.
What I'd like most in the whole word is to go out by myself (or with Rob) for a WHOLE DAY.
I have been lucky - breastfeeding came pretty easily for me and we haven't had any real dramas with it, unlike some friends who've endured mastitis.
Some mums would relish the attachment that breastfeeding provides. While it's nice to know I'm giving Ari the best food he could possibly have, I've resented the fact that I'm chained to him. And now that he's getting older and the prospect of me going back to work draws nearer, I've resented it more.
Will it work again tomorrow? Who knows? I'm using a different brand of formula (Heinz) and a different teat (Pigeon peristaltic), so maybe this new combination has made it all happen.

Profile Update

Name: Ari Murdoch Danaher-Flavell
Age: 6.5 months
Hair: Okay, I admit defeat...he's a ginge!
Eyes: Hazel at the moment.
Favourite food: Mashed potato and pumpkin.
Hobbies: Swimming, passing toys from one hand to the other, jangling his rattles and plastic rings, gumming the the corner of the couch, rolling over and getting stuck on his tummy.
Likes: Touching ladies' hair, the way the light dances off the disco ball in our room (yes, we have a disco ball in our bedroom!), peekaboo.
Dislikes: Drinking from bottles, his teeth hurting, when Daddy puts funny things on his head (it scares him for some reason!).
Music tastes: Baa-baa Black Sheep.
Current fashion trend: Stripey cords, skivvies, trackydacks, knitted jumpers.
Favourite book: Oh the Thinks You Can Think by Dr Seuss.
Personality traits: Thoughtful, happy, content. Nothing fazes him. Especially not swimming lessons.

Bargains

You can spend a lot of money when you have a baby.
If you're into designer labels and flashy gear, it's all there for you.
I'd put our little family in the mid range of all this. Yes, we like cool stuff, but mostly we like stuff that's functional and looks good, but doesn't cost the earth. And you can find such things if you look around.
A few bargain baby things I swear by are:

• The Ikea Antilop high chair (pictured above). It's easy as hell to clean, looks pretty nifty and is only $50.
• We also have Ikea feeding bowls and an Ikea cot and they've all been fantastic.
• Bonds clothes. They're not designer, but they look ace, wash well and don't cost the earth. If you look hard, you can pick up some really cheap stuff at supermarkets and places like TSL.
• "Little Wishes" jumpsuits with feet - in a 2-pack from Safeway, only $14 - they wash really well and look quite cute. Ari's been through size 000, 00 and now 0 in them and he wears them as pyjamas. They also have hilarious patterns on them - he's worn one that had "NICE DAY" written all over it, with washing on clotheslines (weird!) and one with cats all over it that says stuff like "My cat likes to jump", "My cat likes fish". Again, weird, but kind of funny.

Aunty Lauren

Ari's Aunty Lauren (left in stripey scarf) has taken off for an overseas rock and roll adventure and it will be interesting to see how he reacts when she returns.
Of all the people in Ari's life, she's about the only person besides Rob and I that he remembers and knows.
He finds her absolutely hilarious and is enthralled by everything she says and does.
Of course, we'll miss her too (already do!) and can't wait for her to get back, but she'll have the Best Time Ever. She's off to London, Berlin and Barcelona, taking in Oasis at the V Festival and seeing the Pixies in London (lucky, lucky, lucky - that makes 3 times she's seen Frank Black compared to my 0).

Waking life

Well, my noble plan to dose Ari up with Panadol and Bonjela last night was a total failure. After 45 minutes of trying to settle him, nothing worked. I tried rocking him, patting him, and he thought this was all hilarious fun at 4.30am!
So I gave in and fed him. And he went back to sleep.
I've since quizzed a few Mums who have had the same problem and, despite being advised against it, every single one of them feeds their babies when they wake in the middle of the night.
Am I setting a bad precedent? I really don't care at 4am when I know a 10-minute breastfeed will fix the problem and we can all go back to sleep.
I guess that's why everyone does it!

The answer?

News flash: we think we may have found the reason for Ari's sudden night waking....a tooth!
Feeling around Ari's bottom gum this morning, I felt something distinctly sharp - and noticed a little red mark.
Which means I probably shouldn't be feeding him should he wake in the night - I'm supposed to be dosing him up with Panadol/Bonjela and putting him back to bed. We'll see...

The dream is over

The thing we've been dreading for months has finally happened.
Ari has started waking in the night.
Believe me, that in itself isn't the tough part. I've never minded getting up in the night too much.
It's trying to figure out why that's the killer.
Ari has been sleeping through the night fairly consistently from about 2 months of age, which is amazing. We know how lucky we've been.
And in the last 2 months, we've been exceptionally lucky. We've put him to bed at 7pm, he usually went down without a peep, and stayed there until around 6.30-7am. Bliss.
The past 2 nights, though, he's woken at around 2am, I've given him a feed and he's gone back to bed until 7.30am. Why?
Is he hungry? Is he too cold? Too hot? Wanting to socialise and chat at 2am? Can't put himself back to sleep?
I've tried to think of any factor that might be affecting his sleep - are my breasts not giving up as much milk? I've been feeling under the weather for the past 3 days - is that contributing? Is it because I've just started Ari on new foods like toast, porridge, etc?
Of course, in these instances, there's no easy answer. The book Baby Love says any night waking after a baby is 6 months old is NOT to do with being hungry.
Try telling that to a baby at 2am, and parents who just want to get back to sleep!
But therein lies the trap. Do you feed the baby and set a bad precedent you have to follow every night? Do you let the baby cry - and possibly deprive them of food when they are actually hungry?
It's really hard.
Lots of stuff is happening to Ari at the moment. He's wanting to hang out with us more. He's becoming a nightmare to breastfeed because he's more interested in what's going on around him (even my t-shirt, or his own hands are far more interesting than feeding).
He's getting out more, eating different foods, doing more new things.
Maybe it's just a phase he's going through. Fingers crossed!

Wading through the Pumpkin Patch of Crap

In my quest to find Ari a suitably hip wedding outfit, I did a lap of Northland shopping centre today (okay, I admit, the shopping trip did clash with another quest - the one to find the perfect pair of spring shorts for myself. Result = no go, thanks to Sportsgirl's ridiculous sizing that never, ever fits me properly).
I managed to pick up a cute little red skivvy that would look rather dapper with the excellent brown-and-orange stripey cords I've already picked out for Ari.
But, I told myself, there must be a plain long-sleeved shirt (to wear with a cute little tie) out there in retail land for my boy... somewhere.
After striking out at Myer, Target, KMart and Best and Less, I limped into Pumpkin Patch.
Wading through piles of t-shirts and shirts, I could not find one single item that wasn't emblazoned with some kind of awful tacky print - what little boy in his right mind would want to step out with bloody teddies on his t-shirt?
Mind you, this is the store that sells long-sleeved, button up shirts and jeans for newborn babies. Newborn babies! If you can find me a mother of a newborn who has time to be buttoning up tiny weeny little shirts, I'll eat my hat.
After doing a lap of this fool's paradise, I considered storming up to the checkout and shouting at the sales girl "PLAIN, I JUST WANT SOMETHING PLAIN!".
Instead I slithered out the door, a defeated woman. I've been told the next step in my quest should be a trip down Victoria St to an Asian formal hire or christening shop.
But to be honest, I just can't be bothered. Looks like our boy is going to be a little Jarvis Cocker (lead singer of Pulp, pictured), or dare I say, Wiggle, at this wedding.
At least he won't have a bloody teddy bear on his skivvy.

My naked heart

Today as I walked Ari to the health centre for his weigh-in (8.4kg and 71cm for anyone who's interested), we passed a primary school.
It was lunchtime and the playground was full of kids doing their thing. I was transfixed by a little boy who sat alone at the edge of the playground, under a tree, just watching all the other kids play. He looked so sad, it almost made me cry.
Even now, 8 hours later, I'm still thinking about it and it makes me hurt inside. Why?
I wrestled with it all day until I realised: that could be my boy out there. That's why it hurts so much.
When you don't have children, a TV image of an emaciated child in the Sudan, a movie about the death of a child or even a little boy sitting alone in a playground is sad, but you move on pretty quick.
When you have a child, it affects you physically. Your heart hurts, your insides go all churny, you cry uncontrollably (as I did watching Claudia Karvan's mourning in the TV series Love My Way recently).
I once read a fabulous description of motherhood by TV personality Amanda Keller. She said that once you become a parent, you pretty much hand over your heart - anything and anyone can hurt you. It's true.
Recently I decided to sponsor a child - my sister Lauren and I are splitting the cost of sponsoring Liliane, a girl from Rwanda.
I'd been wanting to for years, of course (haven't we all), to stave off some of that middle-class guilt.
But the impetus to actually do it came from another place - that part of me that is a mother now who just can't bear the thought that there are millions of children in the world who have no food and no home, let alone any love or happiness.

It's Aboot Time

People imagine that housewives like myself kick back all day with Oprah, Dr Phil and a packet of Tim Tams.
I snatch the odd bit of Sex and the City on Foxtel during 15 minute breastfeeds - and that's about it. There's no time for TV when your baby only sleeps about 2-3 hours between 6.30am and 7pm.
In that 2-3 hour window I have to: Eat breakfast, have a shower, do the washing, do the dishes, eat lunch, do my writing/interviews, cook Ari's lunch and dinner and cook Rob's and my dinner.
Yes, I can do some of those things while Ari is awake, but they take three times as long and it's usually easier to save them for when he's asleep.
If after all that's done and my boy's asleep, I might dip into a DVD or some Foxtel for half an hour.
And lately that's meant reliving my youth. Let me explain.
I am a child of the 80s, which means several things:
1. I know every line of dialogue in U2's Rattle and Hum.
2. I own the Shakin '84 compilation album.
3. I stayed up late to watch The Big Gig.
4. I owned a Rubik's cube, a Cabbage Patch Kid and Donkey Kong Jr.
5. I can remember eating at Wendy's and Ollie's Trolley.
6. My family owned a Beta video recorder.
7. I saved up my pocket money for Esprit jumpers.
8. I can remember Bros, the Early Bird Show, Hey Hey It's Saturday (in all its forms), Shirl's Neighbourhood, The Comedy Company, MC Hammer and New Kids On The Block.
9. I used a "10 pen" at school.
10. Afternoons meant You Can't Do That On Television...and Degrassi.
So with the odd snatches of free time, I've been watching the entire series of Degrassi Junior High on DVD.
If you've never heard of Degrassi, you've missed a TV phenomenon. It's a Canadian series about high school kiddies and their problems - teen pregnancy, shoplifting, buying bras and other Big Issues.
That's gotta be sadder than watching Dr Phil or Judge Judy.

Rollin, rollin, rollin...

After weeks of trying, Ari finally rolled over today.
He was almost there this morning and I said to Rob "he'll roll today". Rather a bold prediction, I thought at the time, but I was right!
This afternoon I lay down next to him on his sheepskin and encouraged him to roll towards me - and he did. He pulled his little legs up to his chest, arched his back and over he went. And he can do it both sides.
We are so proud. Bring on the crawling!